Dumb excuses

In between the ad break of the Simpsons today I switched to the news where it said that a lady grabbed a cat and chucked it into a dumpster and closed the lid on it. Apparently that lady is actually an animal lover and she claims that she did it as a joke and thought that the cat could get out. What the hell, how could the cat possibly get out of a dumpster with the lid closed on it? And who was the joke for seeing as nobody was watching her? This has got to be the dumbest excuse I have ever heard. It probably would have been better to say that she had poor eyesight and thought that the cat was a piece of rubbish.

That is all.

TUESDAY: A Cautionary Tale for the Studious Student

A little comic in light of current events that took a lot more time to draw than it looks.

Having read a few comic books recently, I was inspired to draw a really cool comic about a Spaceman but unfortunately, I realised I'm not a very good artist.

MONDAY

Fun educational activity of the day:

Look up what the word 'smegma' means on Wikipedia.

Your reaction will either be 'Eww' or 'Oh. That's what its called.'

Or you already know what it means and think I'm real clever shit for posting this.

WEDNESDAY: Gender-related Issues

It's pretty well-established fact that guys can make a bit of a mess in the bathroom. If it's 2am in the morning and you've woken up and need to piss, then you'd be forgiven for forgetting to turn the lights on so you can actually aim the nozzle. However, any decent guy who misses the mark will be considerate enough to wipe that shit up (or in this case piss).

Despite this, however, I believe that it is not the guy who leaves a bigger mess in the bathroom. What I have recently observed (and thought about enough to post here) is that girls leave a lot of hair in the bathroom. Perhaps I'm generalising here but I share a bathroom with my sister and at certain times of the day there's strands of long, silky hair lying all over the place. Hair in the sink, hair in the shower, hair on the tiles. Hair, hair, hair.

I know my sister reads this blog but I hope she does it infrequently enough to miss this little complaint.

While we're on the topic of gender differences, I'll segue to an article I read on the weekend. It was an article referencing another article by Sheila Jeffreys about female beauty practises, in particular waxing or shaving of body hair.

'The suggestion that women will not acquire male partners without shaving resembles the reasons given for the carrying out of harmful beauty practises in other cultures, such as female genital mutilation and the reconstructing of hymens; that is, girls have no chance of marrying without them. While women shaving their legs or getting a Brazilian is nowhere near as invasive as those practises, some would argue their mute enforcement in the West has just as profound effect.'

It's quite true that body hair is a big deal. I'm sure most guys reading this would find it hard to be attracted to a girl with hairy legs. But there's a really good point here. The expectation that girls should be hairless is theoretically as bad as expecting they should have bound feet or long necks. These are standards of beauty that we make up and have no real evolutionary basis.

So why did I share this article? I'm actually a big supporter of all this gender equality stuff. I just thought this was particularly interesting. Also, I haven't watched many movies lately because I've been busy working and shiz so my usual blog topics aren't available and I've been reduced to writing about toilet humour and things of substance.

FRIDAY

I've recently contracted a cold which really annoys me, though I won't complain too much about it because this blog gets enough of that from Louie. Every time I get a cold, I find different approaches to dealing with it. I try to think laterally to find creative ways of minimising my discomfort.

One of the things I hate most is how the skin beneath my nose gets really dry and raw from all the nose blowing I do. So one time, I deprived myself of tissues during my cold to stop this. This resulted in a lot of finger-wiping and mucus smeared on my clothes but, amazingly smooth and supple under-the-nose-skin.

Another approach was to 'soldier on' and be as physically active as possible so I'd forget I was ill. I think this kind of worked but I wouldn't want to try it again. Yesterday, I tried to solve the problem of a runny nose by stuffing tissues up my nostrils. This easy-to-do solution supposed to meant I could staunch the flow of runny mucus and get on with my work. Unfortunately I pushed the tissues too far in and did a massive sneeze, after which I found my left nostril was bleeding profusely.

At that moment, I felt a lot like Ralph Wiggum probably does when he picks his nose so hard it bleeds.

And now for the weather, which if you read my previous post we will hope is rainy on Wednesday so Louie can watch Inception. Right now, the chances of rain look good.

Of course, the weather is definitely going to be subject to change, especially since it's almost a fortnight away. But we can all hope for the best.

This Week

I'll keep this post brief (you'll see why). I have possibly went through the worst week of my life. Ok maybe not, there are probably worse weeks to come. But still this is pretty bad. So it all started on Tuesday when it rained giving me some hope that it would rain on Wednesday, so i could watch Inception (further detail can be found in Vincent's post). It didn't rain on Wednesday so we had to go to sport. At sport I sprained my wrist trying to punch a ball Walter kicked at me. On top of that I wasn't able to use my computer on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday due to a new rule that my dad made up which is no computer on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday but you can have computer on Thursday and Friday. Only today that I realise his cunning plan as I can't go on computer on Friday because I get back from tutoring at around 9pm and an earlier rule stipulated that I can't use the computer past 9pm. In short, I missed a movie that I really wanted to watch to get a sprained wrist but I got to use the computer for a day (gotta look on the bright side).

On another note, my sprained wrist has made painfully aware (literally :D) how important the wrist is. Seriously, I can almost do nothing with my left hand anymore, even typing up this post hurts like hell if I use both hands. I really truly feel sorry for people who have lost an arm or any other limb or have athritis. Remind me to donate to a charity funding this cause when I become a billionaire.

That is all.

WEDNESDAY

Unfortunately for Louie, it did not rain today and sport continued as usual. This meant he couldn't watch Inception today. Funnily enough, it'll be raining tomorrow meaning the one day Louie needed rain the most was bright and sunny and sandwiched between two days of rain. Next Wednesday's weather doesn't look much better, forecasted to be 'bright sunshine'.

I find it pretty funny and typical of Louie to be depressed by 'bright sunshine'.

It should be Louie blogging about his own misfortunes instead of me but I really felt the need to post this and laugh at him. In saying this however, I believe there is still hope.

As you can see, the forecast for the Wednesday after the next has still not been made and the Tuesday before it will be quite rainy. This will be the Wednesday just before the prelims but hey, you can't study all day.

So if you're reading this join me in fervently hoping that it will rain on the 25th of August.

TUESDAY

I watched Inception on Sunday and I really liked it. Usually after watching any of Christopher Nolan's films I get this massive 'wow' feeling. Like in Memento and The Dark Knight which either had a very unexpected twist or a really cool ending before abruptly cutting to the title card and closing credits (which seems to be a trademark of Nolan).

At the end of Inception, I didn't really feel that but I suppose I'm a little harder to impress now. What I really liked about the movie was its style. The climatic scenes, where the film cuts between four different layers of 'time' was really something and the trippy Escher-like effects made me feel completely pulled into these strange dream worlds. A particular scene I liked was a fight in a corridor where the gravity kept changing.

Despite the fact I try to watch a lot of movies, I don't often get to watch them in the cinema. Watching Inception, I was reminded how much better a film projector is over a computer monitor or television. I couldn't help but think how much more enjoyable a lot of movies I've watched would be if I saw them in a cinema. Oh well.

By the time most of you read this it'll be Wednesday or later. However, for anyone reading this today I hope you'll join me in hoping it rains tomorrow. Louie has been waiting to see Inception ever since it was announced (that would be almost a year) and he can't see it unless sport is cancelled and he watches it after school.

Trivial Matters

Ok, I haven't seen Inception and everyone else has. But last night I watched something that made me a little bit happier. It was on SBS and it was called Trivial Matters, a series of seven short films that were about how society places importance on trivial things.

I got interested because it was Chinese, and I thought there would be kung fu and that but there wasn't. I liked the short so much i actually watched the entire thing until 12:45am.
Most of the shorts were pretty weird and were about love and friendship so some people might not like it but there were plenty of dirty jokes which were pretty funny.
Tak Nga is about how this planet that humans now inhabit was named after a girl who this boy liked and convinced a magazine editor to buy the name from NASA who had to auction off the planet name.
Junior is about how an assassination company sets up an accounts relations department and how they have special deals for VIP clients. For instance, if someone contacts the company to hire someone to kill a VIP client, then the VIP client gets notified and can decide to pay twice the normal fee to get the person trying to kill them, killed. And as a bonus, if you kill 12 people in 12 months you get a coupon for a free kill! How typically asian.
Probably the funniest short (I think I missed out on two) was "It's a Festival Today". This guy's been in a one month relationship with his girlfriend but refuses to have sex with him. So the guy convinces the girl to give him a blowjob every festival e.g. Chinese New Year, Christmas etc. However, the guy soon runs out of traditional holidays so he goes on the internet to search up for more festivals such as National Vietnam Day or something like that so he can get more blowjobs. I'm pretty sure that he starts making up festivals, like China Protein Day (wtf?) just to get more. Eventually however, his girlfriend gives him so much oral sex that she choked to death (yes, while giving a blowjob).

That is all.

THURSDAY

I'm really looking forward to seeing Inception now. Falko just watched it and felt it necessary to call me simply to say how amazing it was. I'll be watching it on Sunday at Parramatta with my sister, who happens to be my favourite movie-watching partner.

On the topic of watching movies, I find rewatching a movie I enjoyed a very worthwhile thing to do. I say this because I was just scrolling through random scenes of Schindler's List and there was so much that I hadn't picked up on before. Having seen the film last year, I'd forgotten the intensity of it that made it such a good movie. And on the topic of rewatching movies, I really want to rewatch 2001: A Space Odyssey soon. I'll admit that the first time I watched it I spent most of the time thinking why people thought it was so good. Anyway, I'll post something if I ever get around to that.

My piano exam is in a month so I've had to study information on composers. For some reason I was really surprised at the fact that Beethoven was deaf. I already knew this but never realised the significance of it. Only when I listened to one of his symphonies, I thought 'Wow'.

Any faithful readers of this blog will remember the point I made about the massive pulling power of pictures of attractive women. I'm happy to say that my previous post containing six or so pictures of such women created a great spike in views.

To take advantage of this data, here's a picture of some suitably attractive women.

Asian Medicine

This is a continuation of a post that was in my old blog. You can read that post here before reading this one. Basically it was about how wonderful and logical asian medicine is and how it is so unwaveringly based on science that it must work.

So the other day, my mum was telling me about how my grandmother has a wart on her nose and she can't get rid of it. My mum had a similar problem a few years back and she found the perfect remedy for it. Just prick your finger with a needle or something sharp and let the blood ooze out. Apparently warts are caused by your body being too hot, so it logically follows that if you let some blood out your temperature will decrease.
Hey, why don't we just go back to the Middle Ages and then put leeches on our wounds to suck out all the bad blood? And why don't we advance from the Middle Ages by not putting the leeches on the wound, but somewhere completely unrelated?

That is all.

SUNDAY: Sucker Punch

I interrupt my Agriculture study to bring to show you what will be the coolest movie of 2011. These are the posters for Zack Snyder's new movie 'Sucker Punch'.

As you can see there is a super sexy all-female cast, each one hotter than the last (if you go left to right). So what will this movie be about?

So this movie will be about a group of hot girls in leather outfits with giant robots and guns fighting their way out of mental asylum full of guards, B-52 bombers and dragons. And did you look see the posters? One of them has a fucking longsword. What's more, this movie will be showing in IMAX.

All I can say is HOLY SHIT I AM WATCHING THIS NO MATTER WHAT. And also WHY THE HELL DID SNYDER WASTE HIS TIME MAKING OWLS OF GA'HOOLE WHEN HE COULD BE WORKING ON THIS?


Also, privileged mention to someone who'd like to be called Batman's girlfriend.