I feel quite lethargic right now. School was particularly soul-sapping today and I was a bit too tired for cadets afterwards. When I got home, I fell asleep trying to memorise 'general knowledge' for my piano exam.
So in the absence of any creative output from myself, here's a lovely short story written by Janet and JKo during physics (one word at a time):
Neil's Adventure
Neil likes to play with himself while Jin watches videos on Redtube, especially those of black men playing with other asian guys. But, Neil caught a butterfly and realised that there was more fun in playing with pink elephants.
He asked Janet, 'Hey! Do I look like a hot metrosexual?'
Janet replied, 'Hell, I reckon you are kinda babe, but the faces is a major problem...'
Neil was very angry so went to JKo crying. 'Omg! Janet doesn't think I'm a fully sick yalla brewwwww. What the fuck?'
Jko slapped Jin, telling Neil to man up and get a job.
'Dude just because I'm awesome and taller, hotter, and smart, doesn't mean that you can't get a job at Sparkles Strip Joint!'
Neil had no shame and went to Sparkles Strip Joint. When the owner arrived she was told:
'Hi, I like it anywhere except my backdoor because it kinda hurts. But do give me employment here, I like to take all my clothes off seductively to flash music.'
The owner said. "You're a bit too ugly, and could be a bit curvier. But I'll give you a shot, if you can lick cream off my face ;)'
So Neil was happy and took some Viagra to help his stripping. Newly named 'Shamless Dota', fame and sluttiness came along quickly. Lady Gaga told Neil, 'Hey, sexy wanna come to my room? I've got a jacuzzi.'
Neil was ecstatic, 'Oh my god, yes! I luuuuurve jacuzzis!'
So, he followed her and began dancing around while taking drugs. Unfortunately, his pants fell down so he died.
Lady Gaga was happy and also sad. She died too, unfortunately.
The End.
In hindsight, it would have been smarter to scan the story instead of typing it out. Well, that's all of it. Nobel Prize-worthy stuff.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
THURSDAY: Things that give me the shits
After my amazingly lengthy last post, I've been trying to follow it up with something worth reading. Initially, I planned to write about my opinion on the 'Are video games art?' debate that has been circulating for a while. However, upon reading some discussions on the topic, I realised a lot of comments were about the definition of art. And noone wants to read about that.
For those who are interested though, my brief opinion on the matter is that this argument is about whether or not video games will be accepted by authoritative scholars as a medium worthy of sitting next to literature, music and so on. My (kind of simplistic) idea is that this will probably happen in about forty years for the simple reason that this is how long it took for the same thing to happen for film. If I'm right, then the video game equivalent of Citizen Kane is due for release at around 2025. Can't wait.
So with that out of the way, here's a list of things that give me the shits:
Printers:
In any computer set-up the printer is usually the part most likely to screw up. It's also the only part that requires you to pay buttloads of money to refill it every once in a while. I remember one time I had to print someone's assignment for them and my printer decided to not print half the second page. It was pretty late at night and I didn't realised this happened. I submitted the assignment and as a result, she got a really crap mark. That was kind of embarrassing. Luckily this was in Year 10 so it didn't matter.
Jason Derulo:
His music gives me the shits. He's not on the radio anymore so that makes me happy. Actually I really like most of the songs on the charts right now.
The two guys who directed 'Epic Movie', 'Disaster Movie' etc.:
If you've watched any of their movies, then I won't even have to explain this. If not, just look up any of their trailers.
Actually, I'll admit that something good did actually come out of these two guys. Recently they released 'Vampires Suck', which is a parody of Twilight. Watch the trailer below and you'll see it looks quite terrible. (To be fair though, they're actually improving. There's one or two good laughs.) Reading the comments for the trailer though is good entertainment. There's the people who love Twilight and think this movie is hilarious (and probably pat themselves on the back for having a good sense of humour). There's people who hate Twilight and think this movie is hilarious (and pat themselves on the back for hating Twilight). And if you're lucky, you might someone who loves the Twilight books, but hates the movies for ruining Edward Cullen and so love this movie for making fun of the movies that ruined the 'best book series ever'.
There's so much self-indulgent enjoyment to be had from reading the comments of people more retarded than you.
Moralfags
These be the fags censoring our moviez and video gamez and trying to filter our internets. Grargh.
For those who are interested though, my brief opinion on the matter is that this argument is about whether or not video games will be accepted by authoritative scholars as a medium worthy of sitting next to literature, music and so on. My (kind of simplistic) idea is that this will probably happen in about forty years for the simple reason that this is how long it took for the same thing to happen for film. If I'm right, then the video game equivalent of Citizen Kane is due for release at around 2025. Can't wait.
 |
| Ho-humph chortle chortle |
So with that out of the way, here's a list of things that give me the shits:
Printers:
In any computer set-up the printer is usually the part most likely to screw up. It's also the only part that requires you to pay buttloads of money to refill it every once in a while. I remember one time I had to print someone's assignment for them and my printer decided to not print half the second page. It was pretty late at night and I didn't realised this happened. I submitted the assignment and as a result, she got a really crap mark. That was kind of embarrassing. Luckily this was in Year 10 so it didn't matter.
Jason Derulo:
His music gives me the shits. He's not on the radio anymore so that makes me happy. Actually I really like most of the songs on the charts right now.
The two guys who directed 'Epic Movie', 'Disaster Movie' etc.:
If you've watched any of their movies, then I won't even have to explain this. If not, just look up any of their trailers.
Actually, I'll admit that something good did actually come out of these two guys. Recently they released 'Vampires Suck', which is a parody of Twilight. Watch the trailer below and you'll see it looks quite terrible. (To be fair though, they're actually improving. There's one or two good laughs.) Reading the comments for the trailer though is good entertainment. There's the people who love Twilight and think this movie is hilarious (and probably pat themselves on the back for having a good sense of humour). There's people who hate Twilight and think this movie is hilarious (and pat themselves on the back for hating Twilight). And if you're lucky, you might someone who loves the Twilight books, but hates the movies for ruining Edward Cullen and so love this movie for making fun of the movies that ruined the 'best book series ever'.
There's so much self-indulgent enjoyment to be had from reading the comments of people more retarded than you.
Moralfags
These be the fags censoring our moviez and video gamez and trying to filter our internets. Grargh.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
WEDNESDAY: An Artwork Analysis
A few weeks ago, my cousin came to my house holding a piece of paper. Curious, I asked what it was but he turned in embarassment. After some persuasion, however, I was able to take this drawing off him.
I see nothing here to be embarassed about. This artwork is an aesthetic triumph far beyond the range of any average six-year-old. In an attempt to dissect its brilliance, I will analyse this artwork, section by section.
Firstly we have the artist's representation of the Sun. He switches to warm primary colours that contrast with his well-chosen artistic medium (blue and white printing paper). The sun is a traditional symbol of life-giving and here, it can be taken to represent the parental figures of the artist's life. While there is softness here in the gently swirling colours, there is a tone of aggression, with the sharp, angled light rays. It seems the artist is making a poignant statement about being the child of parents who can be loving, yet harsh. Perhaps he has the troubled mind of a child who has been spanked by mummy one too many times.
Here, we have the artist's depiction of a house. Striking, at first, is the stunning minimalism. The house has only a door, a bed, a chimney and some stairs. There is charming childish innocence at work here. After all, what more does a house need than a door to enter, a place to rest, and a few homely touches. Yet the genius of this image comes from the artist's mischievous manipulations of perspective. He has chosen to draw it in lead pencil, placing it firmly in the background and giving an illusion of depth. More alarming though is the fact that both walls of the house are visible. This distortion of perspective adds a touch of cubism. By placing it within the otherwise realist framework of his painting, he is perhaps parodying this old concept, giving it again the feeling of avant-garde it once afforded.
Finally we have this curious figure (we shall call him 'the skater'), who appears to express fear as he is about to collide with a tree. One thing I did not point out in the house-drawing was the letter 'Z' arranged in a drifting pattern above his body. Here, he repeats this with the letter 'A' bursting out of the the skater with the addition of two more lines to emphasise noise.
Will Eisner once commented that the distinction between words and images is arbitrary. We see this concept demonstrated here, where words are used as abstract visual symbols of noise. Another clever abstract device is the smudging of the crayon to suggest movement. One could be forgiven for pointing out that this is a very basic visual language feature; but remember, the artist is only six years old.
A perplexing decision here is the use of the colour red. It could be argued that the artist simply did not have flesh-coloured crayons available and made do with his favourite colour. However, if this were the case it would be far more appropriate to swap red for orange, which is closer to skin colour.
So is this an artistic failure of the artist? I think not. As I stated before, red is most likely is favourite colour and as such, the skater serves as an avatar of the artist; a projection of who he would like to be. This becomes clear when we think of the qualities of this skater. He is reckless, daring and about to get into a whole lot of trouble. Is this not, after all, what all young boys aspire to be?
The overall effect of this artwork is transformative yet humbling. With rudimentary visual devices, the artist has put so much of himself in to this drawing, one can only speculate on the hidden depths within this visionary six-year-old boy. After seeing the world through the eyes of a pure unblemished child, we cannot help but to look to our own lives with a fresh, revitalising perspective. To my dearest cousin, I thank you for your art and I wish you the very best for your future artistic pursuits.
William Zhang. 'Young Boy about to Hit a Tree.'
c. 2010 Crayon on paper. 30cm × 42cm (11.7 in x 16.5 in)
I see nothing here to be embarassed about. This artwork is an aesthetic triumph far beyond the range of any average six-year-old. In an attempt to dissect its brilliance, I will analyse this artwork, section by section.
Firstly we have the artist's representation of the Sun. He switches to warm primary colours that contrast with his well-chosen artistic medium (blue and white printing paper). The sun is a traditional symbol of life-giving and here, it can be taken to represent the parental figures of the artist's life. While there is softness here in the gently swirling colours, there is a tone of aggression, with the sharp, angled light rays. It seems the artist is making a poignant statement about being the child of parents who can be loving, yet harsh. Perhaps he has the troubled mind of a child who has been spanked by mummy one too many times.
Here, we have the artist's depiction of a house. Striking, at first, is the stunning minimalism. The house has only a door, a bed, a chimney and some stairs. There is charming childish innocence at work here. After all, what more does a house need than a door to enter, a place to rest, and a few homely touches. Yet the genius of this image comes from the artist's mischievous manipulations of perspective. He has chosen to draw it in lead pencil, placing it firmly in the background and giving an illusion of depth. More alarming though is the fact that both walls of the house are visible. This distortion of perspective adds a touch of cubism. By placing it within the otherwise realist framework of his painting, he is perhaps parodying this old concept, giving it again the feeling of avant-garde it once afforded.
Finally we have this curious figure (we shall call him 'the skater'), who appears to express fear as he is about to collide with a tree. One thing I did not point out in the house-drawing was the letter 'Z' arranged in a drifting pattern above his body. Here, he repeats this with the letter 'A' bursting out of the the skater with the addition of two more lines to emphasise noise.
Will Eisner once commented that the distinction between words and images is arbitrary. We see this concept demonstrated here, where words are used as abstract visual symbols of noise. Another clever abstract device is the smudging of the crayon to suggest movement. One could be forgiven for pointing out that this is a very basic visual language feature; but remember, the artist is only six years old.
A perplexing decision here is the use of the colour red. It could be argued that the artist simply did not have flesh-coloured crayons available and made do with his favourite colour. However, if this were the case it would be far more appropriate to swap red for orange, which is closer to skin colour.
So is this an artistic failure of the artist? I think not. As I stated before, red is most likely is favourite colour and as such, the skater serves as an avatar of the artist; a projection of who he would like to be. This becomes clear when we think of the qualities of this skater. He is reckless, daring and about to get into a whole lot of trouble. Is this not, after all, what all young boys aspire to be?
The overall effect of this artwork is transformative yet humbling. With rudimentary visual devices, the artist has put so much of himself in to this drawing, one can only speculate on the hidden depths within this visionary six-year-old boy. After seeing the world through the eyes of a pure unblemished child, we cannot help but to look to our own lives with a fresh, revitalising perspective. To my dearest cousin, I thank you for your art and I wish you the very best for your future artistic pursuits.
Monday, September 6, 2010
My Mum (insert ya mum joke here)
So i had a list of weird things my dad did so now it's my mum's turn. She doesn't really listen to anything random (in fact she hates my dad's music) but she does other retarded stuff like:
1. Being the most extreme racist - I think this is true of many asian women though (lol how racist and sexist for me to think that). If my mum sees some black people or lebanese people hanging around she'll immediately start to walk away from them. Then she tells me not to become one of those bad guys. And the black or lebanese people aren't even doing anything dodgy, they're just walking...
2. Locking the car doors when we drive at night - she's afraid we'll get robbed by some dude who'll just open the door and take stuff.
3. Being easily influenced - Seriously, if one asian parent does something then she'll copy it immediately. Example, some asian parents keep the computer in the living room to prevent their children from having a social life. Guess what happened next week...
4. Believing anything the newspaper says - this really ties into the previous point but i wanted there to be more points so yeh. My mum will read the most random crap about stuff in the newspaper and will believe and then tell me about it. Example: The only water in the house that is drinkable is boiled water because the newspaper said tap water was bad. In what way?!?!
That's it. I'm not going to make a fifth point because a) i can't think of any other points and b) I don't want to add another point just so it becomes a round number. Also I think 4 really is an underused number. Everyone organises things in either ones, pairs, threes or fives. No one really uses 4. So here's your chance to shine number 4!
That is all.
1. Being the most extreme racist - I think this is true of many asian women though (lol how racist and sexist for me to think that). If my mum sees some black people or lebanese people hanging around she'll immediately start to walk away from them. Then she tells me not to become one of those bad guys. And the black or lebanese people aren't even doing anything dodgy, they're just walking...
2. Locking the car doors when we drive at night - she's afraid we'll get robbed by some dude who'll just open the door and take stuff.
3. Being easily influenced - Seriously, if one asian parent does something then she'll copy it immediately. Example, some asian parents keep the computer in the living room to prevent their children from having a social life. Guess what happened next week...
4. Believing anything the newspaper says - this really ties into the previous point but i wanted there to be more points so yeh. My mum will read the most random crap about stuff in the newspaper and will believe and then tell me about it. Example: The only water in the house that is drinkable is boiled water because the newspaper said tap water was bad. In what way?!?!
That's it. I'm not going to make a fifth point because a) i can't think of any other points and b) I don't want to add another point just so it becomes a round number. Also I think 4 really is an underused number. Everyone organises things in either ones, pairs, threes or fives. No one really uses 4. So here's your chance to shine number 4!
That is all.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Random Stuff
So I haven't been blogging for a while due to exams. Here's a list of random stuff I thought about blogging throughout the week
1. Since exam week my parents have repeatedly tell me to eat things that are supposed to make me "smarter". Like the guy in the depression ad, my parents tell me walnuts make you smart because they're shaped like brains. Very scientific. There are also other varieties of foods that make you smarter like fish, prawns and generally food that I don't like.
2. Asian parents really do only care about maths. For the entire week my parents were calm during the exams. Now they're yelling at me to do good in 3U.
3. A man was sent to jail for insulting a police officer in Belgium
4. He broke out of jail using a zip (like the ones on your trousers)
5. It is not against the law in Belgium to break out of jail.
That is all.
1. Since exam week my parents have repeatedly tell me to eat things that are supposed to make me "smarter". Like the guy in the depression ad, my parents tell me walnuts make you smart because they're shaped like brains. Very scientific. There are also other varieties of foods that make you smarter like fish, prawns and generally food that I don't like.
2. Asian parents really do only care about maths. For the entire week my parents were calm during the exams. Now they're yelling at me to do good in 3U.
3. A man was sent to jail for insulting a police officer in Belgium
4. He broke out of jail using a zip (like the ones on your trousers)
5. It is not against the law in Belgium to break out of jail.
That is all.
Friday, September 3, 2010
FRIDAY
Faithful readers may notice I haven't posted anything for a while. They'd probably guess that I was too busy studying. That actually is why I haven't blogged, though I doubt abstaining from blogging really helped my productivity all that much.
I actually thought of different things to blog about during the week but decided to put off writing about them until after the exams. Unfortunately, as exams are not over yet, I will not blog about them here. But after exams (and probably 3U English assessment), you may reasonably expect some meatier posts.
So to make sure you didn't read all of this for nothing, here's some inspirational quotes to help you get through this exam-tainted weekend:
I think it would be a good idea.
- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization.
"Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire, on his death-bed when he was told by the priest to renounce Satan.
I actually thought of different things to blog about during the week but decided to put off writing about them until after the exams. Unfortunately, as exams are not over yet, I will not blog about them here. But after exams (and probably 3U English assessment), you may reasonably expect some meatier posts.
So to make sure you didn't read all of this for nothing, here's some inspirational quotes to help you get through this exam-tainted weekend:
I think it would be a good idea.
- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization.
"Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire, on his death-bed when he was told by the priest to renounce Satan.
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